Melissa Begely, Poetry
She never knew she was beautiful. As a toddler and through adulthood her sister was cruel to her. She was bullied, humiliated, laughed at, and was told she was ugly and nasty. Her sister recruited others for the purpose of sniggering at and taunting her little sister.
She became a quiet child, perchance this is a signal to the unseemly and heartless ones.
Sexually assaulted by much elder brother when she was a small child. The secret was never revealed.
Incessant years of browbeating that she was ugly, and no boy would ever love her created a sullen girl. The secret was never revealed.
Extremely popular and from an esteemed family she remained insecure. She displayed no interest in boys, who would be interested in an unsightly and hideous flower?
Certainly not ever placed in inappropriate situations and always stylishly dressed, but never with a hint of sexiness. So how does rape occur?
Friends, close family acquaintances that were pillars of the community, one stranger in daylight, and all the secrets kept in her mind without sharing to anyone. She was ugly and perhaps it was the only attention she would receive from a male.
Loving and supportive parents knew she was different because of her lack of self-confidence. They loved her so and doted on her more-and-more. Her true personality of love and soul was revealed in their presence.
Living overseas, she was stunned and dumbfounded that many from the specific countries exulted her as a Beautiful Goddess. Strangers would stop and touch her and especially her blonde hair. She assumed it was just a different technique to humiliate her.
She did not date or spend time with males as a teenager or young female. After years of no interest, she met a gentleman. The married years was heavenly, but soon he became a celestial being.
An acquittance soon was chosen as a divine connection to her; he whispered to her that he loved her from many centuries. Friendship developed and soon they became lovers.
She trusted him more than anyone in the world and entrusted her dark secrets with him. He was an empath, a noble man, and a God-fearing gentleman.
Females that have encountered painful rape to include physical beatings from males have difficulty in explaining that it is overwhelming and almost mentally devastating to feel enjoyment from sex. Perchance it is a form of Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome.
She made the mistake of expressing crushing emotions to her gentleman after sensual encounter for the reason she had never had such reverence for a man before. She immensely enjoyed their sensual encounters, but then thoughts of the past would reappear. Guilt on her part, because of not being married and many factors impact intimate relationships, but primarily trying to separate genuine love from the memories of vicious sex.
As time went by, she became popular with many well-wishers, as many females as males, but he became outraged over the males. She was devastated and heartbroken because she thought he understood her.
He accused her of never trusting him even though she had bared her heart and soul to him. She was trying to explain that she did trust and love him.
His response: “You have been bullied by men, so you don’t trust any man. Men have raped you and left your image tarnished.”
Words crueler than rape and the Secrets once again return to silence but will never to be shared again.
Keep in mind the reason why females do not share their Secrets.
August 21, 2020 (Ms. P.)
All Rights Reserved by Melissa Begley